Speaking Reproachfully Of Others: When Is It Slander & Gossip?

“Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.”

- Ephesians 4:29 -

“Often we combat our evil thoughts most effectively if we absolutely refuse to allow them to be verbalized. It is certain that the spirit of self-justification can only be overcome by the spirit of grace; and it is just as certain that the individual judgmental thought can be limited and suppressed by never allowing it to be spoken except as a confession of sin.... Thus it must be a decisive rule of all Christian community life that each individual is prohibited from talking about another Christian in secret. It is clear and will be shown in what follows that this prohibition does not include the word of admonition that is spoken personally to one another. However, talking about others in secret is not allowed even under the pretense of help and goodwill. For it is precisely in this guise that the spirit of hatred between believers always creeps in, seeking to cause trouble.”

- Dietrich Bonheoffer -

Questions to Ponder

•                Talking with people about someone else you are having trouble with when they are not there is called "triangulation." In what ways does triangulation harm a community of faith?

•                How can a community of faith enforce the rule "that each individual is prohibited from talking about another Christian in secret"?

•                Would this be a good rule to generalize and apply to the workplace, school, families, among friends? Why, or why not?

Further Words About Reproach and Reputation:

Proverbs 22:1; “A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold.”

My reputation is in your hands; at least we are apt to think. Actually however it is frequently in my hands according to much of New Testament teaching instructing us to conduct ourselves wisely. Yet as careful as we might live, it is inevitable that someone will disapprove of us and likely speak against us. Someone said, ‘You can’t always stop people from talking trash about you, just make sure it isn’t true’. So it falls to us as scripture implies, to be careful how we live. Thankfully there are certainties we can take comfort in; that God’s opinion of us hasn’t and doesn’t change. That God knows our hearts and is committed to dealing with our imperfections in a redemptive and loving manner.  That God will be our defense in the right way and at the right time. Finally, God hears the things spoken about us in secret and each man will have to give an account for their words (Matthew 12:36). This alone should sober us to think before we speak of others badly. In the end what we must embrace is that God’s opinion of us is the primary one we should concern ourselves with.

Psalm 42:10, “As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries taunt me, while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?””

Be encouraged, you are in good company if you find yourself experiencing the ungodly reproach of others. Moses, Joseph, Paul, Jesus, David, are just a few who suffered scornful reproach. Sometimes, unfortunately, at the hands of those they were serving. Some of those who spoke reproachfully against God’s servants were Caiaphas, Herod, Alexander the coppersmith (2 Timothy 4:14), most of the Pharisees, Jezebel, and the greatest of all, the accuser of the brethren; the devil. Unfortunately though, unlike this short list, this group is not restricted to unbelievers only. Many believers make defamatory statements against others. While even if the details are correct, the context, audience and attitude are usually inappropriate. We should consider Romans 14:4 when tempted to speak ill of another; “Who are you to pass judgment on and censure another’s household servant? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he shall stand and be upheld, for the Master (the Lord) is mighty to support him and make him stand.” The question to ask ourselves now is which group do we want to be affiliated with?

Psalm 15:1-3, “O Lord, who shall sojourn in your tent? Who shall dwell on your holy hill? He who walks blamelessly and does what is right and speaks truth in his heart; who does not slander with his tongue and does no evil to his neighbor, nor takes up a reproach against his friend;”

If there is anything this world is in need of it is learning to bridle our tongues. “the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!” and “… but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” (James 3:5,8). It’s a full time job, and one we must be intentional about.

Psalm 141:3-4, “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. Do not turn my heart to any evil, to busy myself with wicked deeds in company with those who work iniquity....”

We must learn to weigh the content of our words before we speak and consider the potential fruit. We must also learn when to share and when to listen. Our tongues were created to bless, not curse. To speak truth rather then falsehood. To admonish and not destroy. To edify and not deceive. A person who manages their tongue navigates life wisely.

1 Peter 3:10, “For Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit;”

Lord help me to do You honor and bless those around me with the words that come out of my mouth. Amen.

Psalm 37:30, “The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks justice.”